Oink, Oink

How could you possibly go wrong with an alarm clock like this, unless of course you are Jewish? This lovely little ad was sent to me by a friend who knows my affinity for the pork product- which I've passed on to my youngest child. He really does eat bacon at least twice a day. Oink!

Ho, Ho, Ho and a Joe

Alas, the "Dirty Santa" party... the initial idea was to share tummy warming food and white elephant gifts with friends. However, after receiving confused email from guests, the "dirty" was left open for interpretation. What I do know now is that I have some friends with dirty minds!

Cheers!

Super Duper Sports Weekend

Ah, the beloved Thanksgiving weekend. What could be better than stuffing oneself with turkey and all the fixins and then laying across the sofa with your legs sprawled across other family members while you enjoy college football. Nothing, I say!

During one of the games, TX Tech and Baylor, I was a bit curious about "why the bell ringing?" Anyway, hubby told me it was some sort of honor to toll the bell at the game, and he then prompted me to YOUTUBE.

"Right of Passage" I'll say!!!! HA, HA!

I Fell Asleep!

Twilight. Who could resist the romantic thriller of the year? Edward and Bella, sigh. After spending countless late nights reading in bed, on the potty, at 4:15 am when Nate awakes, I practically ate the pages with my eyes, yes, all four billion pages of Stephanie Meyer books completed before the debut of the film. Alas, an e-ticket, a group of friends, a crowd of squealing teens and not so teens. The mouth watering potato skins, the frosty beverage, the credits, the beautiful northwestern landscape, and of course the scrumptious Cullen clan. Oh the excitement...SNORE. I fell asleep! Who wants to go see Twilight with me?

THAT Time

Well, I haven't been sleeping well. Partially due to my vampire son and partially due to ?? I woke up the other night drenched in sweat, enough where I had to get up and change my PJs. I was thinking to myself, could I be pregnant again? NOOOOOOO! I know it's not possible, well, at least 99% impossible.
So, I shook it off. Flash to parent-teacher conference with a creepy PDA couple. Mid-sentence as I explained how their child really didn't like to put forth any effort in class, I suddenly felt as though I would spontaneously combust- fire and brimstones- my final fate. God striking me down for all my impure thoughts! Could Creepy Couple see my cheeks flush crimson? Where flames coming out my ears? What the...?
Since I have always been the closet hypochondriac and have diagnosed a good 10% of my common ailments, I have come to the conclusion that I am periomenopausal (is that a word?). I have to say that I'm not particularly unhappy about the absence of "monthly happiness," but does this mean I'll be a chronic b_ _ _ _ _. I'm only 38! Hang on, peeps, I'll be sure to medicate so that you may tolerate me at least another 38 years.

Halloween Needs to Be on the LAST Friday of October

This was G's 6th Halloween and Nate's 3rd, and frankly, the best for both kids and parents. I always say, "If Mommy's happy, everyone's happy."- and she was...

Anyway, a Friday at the end of a long work week calls for a gathering of friends and an unleashing of inner stresses. Ergo, good friends arrived with tots in tow, and beverages were consumed in mass.

The kids wore themselves out fairly quickly as they managed to gather way too much candy. Fortunately, the wagon was in tow and then, so were at least 3 children, oh, and a six pack of beer of course.

My personal favorites are of one "presidential hopeful." One might say his career is already in the can.

ACL

I'm having ACL withdrawl. Live music, cold beer, other items of pleasure... back to reality. I feel like I'm walking in a daze.

Holy Crap, Something's Gonna Give

I'm back in the season of avoiding phone calls. Not that I don't care to chat...it's just that I don't have the @#@$#$ time. I feel like my calendar is going to collapse in on itself like a black hole! That being said, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a call from the school nurse or daycare. "Come and get 'em!" @#$#$#$ I don't have the time!

Open House

Okay, just when you think you couldn't embarass yourself more...

Last night was Open House at the school, that amazing long ass day that seeps into night- utter hell for a teacher, and I decided to wear a skirt. I used to wear this 4-year old A-symmetrical skirt, and I would get a lot of comments on it. I think I now know why.
As I was leaving the house, the hubby said, "Hey, that's the skirt that you can see full sillouette (aka camel toe)through when you stand with the sun behind you."
I snickered, "I'm about to go stand under a bunch of flourecent lights." No problem, right?
Wrong!
Lo and behold, the sun set directly through the front window of my classroom at exactly 6 pm. Making it worse, I had prepared a PowerPoint that needed to be navigated...directly in the beam of sun!
I started off my little talk with a room full of parents, and of course, I had my legs plastered together to avoid the view. Unfortunately, it was time to advance the slide on my presentation.
"Shit!" I thought. "How is this going to go?" I managed to keep my legs semi-together, and I shuffled to the computer like a Geisha girl with little bound feet, but the motion just wasn't natural! I went for the full step behind my desk.
I rested and spoke there for a moment, but it was very uncomfortable, so I knew I had to make my way back in a more welcoming position- the front of the classroom.
I did manage to "penguin" to the nearest desk, where fortunately no one was seated, and I stayed parked, sitting on top of it.
Did anyone see? Was it the peep show they will all whisper about?
All I know, is that one of the creepy, geeky dads stood and clapped when I finished!
Encore!

Lucky Charms on the Carpet

Okay, so I'm new to blogging. I've always wondered, "What the %&%! Why would anyone do THAT?" Well, I've figured it out- it's cathartic. Many moons ago, I kept a journal where I spilled my innermost thoughts onto college ruled paper. I always has this vision that there would be some catastrophic event and some mutant from a future civilization would uncover my journal, read it, and say, "Wow, that was some crazy bitch!"

Then, several years ago when Oprah was beginning her "love yourself" campaign, I journaled on one of her web pages available to the world of women- and very sensitive men. I think I only typed up two entries, but I kinda liked it.

That brings me to today...Spilled Cereal (aka spilling your thoughts). Yes, there are Lucky Charms on the carpet right now. With no milk required, Nate eats the sugar laden charms while Grace munches on the cereal- unfortunately they won't share. Once Nate's charms have been devoured and his mouth drips blue dye #7, he launches the remaining portion of his cereal onto the floor to be mashed, grated, spit on, or eaten by bugs. If Daddy were home the Dust Buster would quickly appear and suck up the whole wheat clovers.

I, however, still feel that a perfectly good handful of delightful munchies may be salvaged- so back into the bowl you go fair clovers!